I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
