why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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