I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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