I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
