I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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