yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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