Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
