Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
