just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
