I feel like abortions should bother me more
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
