you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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