We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
