you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
