Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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