apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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