Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
