so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
