I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
