It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
