I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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