My first STD was from a foam party
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
