Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
