I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
