My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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