You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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