All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
