please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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