The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
