He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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