took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
