11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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