Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
