Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
