He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
