Dude my mom stole all your condoms
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
