My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
