I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
