We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
