He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think my tv is drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
