Michael Bay diarrhea
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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