first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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