Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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