I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
