Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
