she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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