i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
