dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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