I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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