I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
