i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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