then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
